Another drought

Yes, it has been another drought when it comes to my entries on my blog. I'm working again for the time being and that's great. Whether or not this job will be long term will be up to me but i have until Dec. 1 to decide.

Today has just been horrible. I feel really down and i've been doing a lot of thinking. Thinking about me and what i want and what i'm doing and all that other stuff. I haven't felt like this in a long time and the worst part is that it's someone that makes me feel this way. I should never let people dictate how i feel but sometimes you can't help it. I think i've opened myself up lately. Not so that anyone noticed but i did i allow myself to be open to possibilities. I think those possibilities are still there and will always be there, but i'm starting to become skeptical and realistic, which makes these possibilities feel like just that, possibilities and nothing else.

I hate allowing people to really understand how i feel. It makes me feel vulnerable and i want that control. For that reason I have no one to really vent to about this. It's put me in an awkward position and i hope it doesn't just sit and fester inside me. I don't have that much to hide but it sure does look like i do. I just hope this feeling leaves me soon. I hope i can see a more positive outcome. I hope i can just let this go and be content again.

Uggghhh... i hate this feeling!